Doing Outreach: A Manual In Progress
JOI is planning to release a manual written by certified
clinical social worker, Barbara Chaiken, co-sponsored
with B¹nai B¹rith. The manual will aid professionals in
forming and facilitating support groups and dialogue sessions.
We¹ve known since the publication of the 1990 National
Jewish Population Survey that 52% of Jews are marrying
outside their faith (compared with just 9% prior to 1965).However,
a recent JOI survey has shown that the majority of interfaith
couples are still not being reached by the Jewish community.
We hope the manual will serve as a further catalyst to
impel communities to commit to a well thought out, comprehensive,
and on-going outreach plan. Interfaith couples who have
had the experience of being in dialogue sessions or support
groups report appreciation for having an opportunity to
meet with other interfaith couples. The experience helped
them recognize and clarify the importance of their ethnic/religious
identity, and resolve cross cultural and religious conflicts.
An added benefit of these groups is the formation of a
havurah (group of friends) which begins at the end of
the last professionally-led session.
Parents of interfaith couples seek out support groups
and dialogue sessions for many of the same reasons as
their children. Finding other parents in the same situation
offers parents an opportunity to express their pain,
confusion, embarrassment, and guilt.
The manual will include basic facts and statistics
about Jewish interfaith marriages, key Torah references
about interfaith marriage, format and description of
sessions, advice interfaith couples have for their parents,
things parents of interfaith couples want their children
to know, growth opportunities in the interfaith relationship,
suggestions for advertising and fee collection, notes
for the group leader, selected bibliography, and directions
for forming a havurah.
COUPLES¹ GROUPS
Dialogue groups for interfaith couples are designed to
follow an eight-session format.
Session one for interfaith couples consists of introductions
and general housekeeping. It allows each participant
ample time to talk about their family of origin. A handout
is distributed which asks questions to which each person
has time to respond.
Session two focuses on ethnic and cultural differences.
Session three deals with parents and inlaws. It addresses
the parental challenges each couple has had to confront
and what issues might occur in the future.
Session four focuses on decision making. Values clarification
exercises are offered to help participants develop a
clearer understanding of what is important to them and
to their partner. If time permits, a three-step communication
model is presented to help improve communication skills.
Session five addresses the major issue of how to raise
children. A handout accompanies this session.
Session six deals with what is usually the hottest
topic. We call it the ³December Dilemma,² but in fact
deals with the broader issue of diverse holiday traditions.
One way to explore this topic is with a demonstration
of Jewish and Christian symbols and their meaning to
members of each religion. A handout with provocative
questions for discussion follows.
Session seven a rabbi is invited for the purpose of
answering questions about Jewish law, tradition, and
rituals. S/he can clarify the Jewish communities¹ historical,
social and religions response to interfaith weddings,
synagogue involvement and whatever other questions the
couples may have.
Session eight allows for time to process and evaluate
the group experience. The benefits of forming a havurah
are explained and the leader facilitates its development.
The group sessions serve as a bridge to the Jewish
community by increasing the participants¹ comfort level
related to Jewish customs, laws, institutions, and organizations.
They allow for the development of better communication
skills, which lead to improved relationships with parents
and in-laws. And finally, the eight sessions allows
ample time for the couples to form a bond with each
other where together they can study and celebrate Jewish
holidays for many years to come.
PARENTS¹ GROUPS
Session one of the parents dialogue group parallels the
first session of the couples group.
Session two seeks to help parents find a level of comfort
with expressing feelings, desires and opinions toward
their intermarried child(ren). Parents are encouraged
to share what has worked and what has failed in their
attempt to interact with their children. We call this
session ³Walking on Eggshells.²
Session three provides face to face contact with interfaith
couples (not their own children). Parents have an opportunity
to ask interfaith couples any questions they may have.
Session four is called ŒMeet the Rabbi,¹which affords
parents an opportunity to express their frustrations,
ask questions, and solicit the rabbi¹s help in finding
viable outreach opportunities for their child.
Session five focuses on listening skills and ways to
say what you feel without putting your children on the
defensive.
Session six explores strategies of how to be welcoming.
Session seven focuses on practical suggestions for
including your grandchildren in your Jewish life.
Session eight allows for time to process and evaluate
the experience.
JOI encourages communities that are interested in developing
outreach programs to contact us for further guidance.
We will be happy to provide technical assistance on
site or through distance communications.
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