Even if they are raised as Jews, the children of your intermarried son or daughter are going to have one set of grandparents who, in all likelihood, will continue to celebrate Christmas and Easter. And you are going to have to learn how to live with that fact. You need to become reconciled to your grandchildren’s exposure to those holidays–with both their religious and non-religious symbols.

Intermarriage, it is sometimes wryly noted, at least eliminates the family arguments about at which parents’ homes the newlyweds will attend the first Seder. However, intermarriage exacerbates the "December Dilemma"–the Christmas tree. In many Jewish families, including intermarried ones, Hanukkah has taken on far more significance than it had among Jews historically or theologically.

Inviting your child’s non-Jewish in-laws to your Seder, or to participate in your Hanukkah or other holiday celebrations, or to share a Shabbat dinner with you, are all lovely ways to begin to bridge the information gap and widen the zone of comfort for all concerned.

Your child’s intermarriage may well cause you to become a better informed Jew. Your non-Jewish son- or daughter-in-law and his or her parents will look to you as an expert on Jewish custom, practice, and theology. That will be very good training for the time when your grandchildren begin asking you questions about the same subjects, as well as cross-examining you about Jewish attitudes toward Christianity and its theology and rituals. How are you going to answer their questions about Divinity, the Trinity, Baptism, Communion, Atonement, and an Afterlife?

< Table of Contents : Next Page >