In the pressure-packed society of the 1990s, when one wants to get away from it all and have a "very special" evening, a candlelight dinner is often the first choice. The combination of a leisurely meal with warm conversation and the sharing of ideas and feelings combine to create a special ambiance.

Judaism offers an opportunity to share this special ambiance every Friday evening at home, with the celebration of the Sabbath (in Hebrew, "Shabbat")–one of the greatest gifts of Judaism to civilization. The Sabbath begins at sundown and continues until sundown on Saturday. As the Friday night candles are lit, the recitation of the lovely blessing forges a meaningful spiritual and emotional link with generations past.

"Blessed is our Eternal God, Ruler of the Universe, who hallows us with mitzvot and has commanded us to kindle the lights of Shabbat." ("Mitzvot" are good deeds that individuals perform, and the blessing is a vivid example of the Jewish emphasis of the importance of actions in our daily lives. "Mitzvot" also can mean divinely commanded acts.)

A cup of wine, the symbol of joy, is then raised and someone says (or sometimes chants) the "Kiddush"–a traditional blessing which ends with the prayer, "Blessed is our Eternal God, Ruler of the Universe, who creates the fruit of the vine."

Everyone at the table (often including children) drinks from small cups of wine. Then, before partaking of the meal, all join together in the age-old Jewish "Hamotzi" prayer over bread–the symbol of life: "Blessed is our Eternal God, Ruler of the Universe, who brings forth bread from the earth."

Even though one may not literally believe there is a God who commands that the Sabbath lights be lit, or who creates the fruit of the vine, or who brings forth bread from the earth, the repetition of these words helps create the specialness of the evening–what some call "creating sacred time." They are words that have been recited every Friday night, generation after generation, in a tradition that goes back thousands of years. They are part of a spiritual atmosphere that enriches the lives of everyone present–of every Jew throughout the world who participates in the Friday night Shabbat blessings and meal in the home.

The celebration of Judaism in the home reinforces strong bonds of mutual love and affection between couples, among members of families, and between close friends. Most Jews who grew up in families where there was a regular celebration of the Shabbat have warm memories and a keen appreciation of how much Judaism can add to one’s life. Those Jews who did not share this experience when they were young have the opportunity to begin creating these memories for themselves and their families.

The home also plays a central role in the celebration of many Jewish holidays, engendering warm feelings among families and friends. The Passover Seder is probably the most beloved. The story of the Exodus from Egypt is read from a book called the "Hagaddah," usually with each person at the table reading portions of the story. There are traditional highlights, one of the most endearing being the "Four Questions" which are asked by the youngest child present, beginning with the first question: "Why is this night different from all other nights?"

As the Passover story is related in answer to the four questions, the service in the home is enriched by the feeling of being part of a chain of tradition, by the singing of melodic songs, and by the Passover meal itself. Unleavened bread, "matzah," reminds everyone of the haste in which Jews fled to freedom with no time to allow bread to rise. Bitter herbs symbolize the bitterness of slavery. As the Hagaddah is read, there is a natural empathy that develops for the Jews who were enslaved and for all people who today live without freedom. Everyone shares in the jubilation of the happy ending where the Jews ultimately gained their freedom and the Seder provides a moving and bonding experience that enhances the lives of all who come together for this special evening.

The home and family are also integrally involved in the celebration of the Jewish High Holy Days–Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur–the Jewish New Year and the Day of Atonement. The celebration of these holidays (like the Sabbath) actually begin on the evening before the official day, and there are family meals before the evening synagogue service at both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Apples and honey are often served to symbolize the hope that the coming year will be a sweet one.

Yom Kippur is a traditional day of self-examination, personal confession, repentance and fasting. It is a time to review the past year–where we succeeded, where we failed, where we could have done better, and how we might actually do better in the coming year. The synagogue services are the central part of the observance of both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, but the meal before the evening service and the break-the-fast dinner following sundown on Yom Kippur day add in a very meaningful way to the observance of the holiday and also help engender a renewed bonding of family and friends.

The eight-day festival of Hanukkah is celebrated in the home in December (on different days each year because Jewish holidays follow a lunar calendar), and commemorates the liberation of Israel from Syrian rule by the Maccabees more than two thousand years ago.

Other Jewish holidays occur throughout the year, and to all of these can be added (outside of Israel) secular holidays, such as Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July in the United States. For Jews, it is the best of both worlds.

Many Jewish holidays and home celebrations involve special foods, which add to the tradition. Matzah, of course, is part and parcel of the celebration of Passover. Potato pancakes–"latkes" are eaten at Hanukkah. "Hamentashen"–rolls with sweet poppy seed or fruit fillings–are eaten during Purim, a holiday commemorating the triumph of Queen Esther and Mordecai over the despot, Haman, who sought to destroy the Jews. Special bread–"Challah"–is served at the Shabbat dinner and also during holiday meals. And, of course, there is the proverbial chicken soup–Friday nights, holidays, and on other special occasions.

Social scientists increasingly focus on the bonding of family as a key factor in the growth and development of positive relationships among people and in the development of important values such as morality, empathy, compassion, and justice. The strengthening of the family and the reinforcement of these values thus have both religious and societal significance, adding immeasurably to the social fabric of our nation.

The centrality of the family in Judaism is also expressed directly in one of the Ten Commandments: "Honor your father and mother." The imperative of this commandment is so strong that it continues even after death. In the synagogue, a prayer called the Kaddish is recited in memory of a parent during the period of formal mourning following death and also each year on the anniversary of death. Husbands and wives who have lost their mates also "say Kaddish" during the formal mourning period following their death and on each subsequent year’s anniversary of the loss of their loved one. (Kaddish is also often said when children, siblings, or other close relatives or friends pass away.) Literally, the Kaddish is a prayer that does not mention death but rather praises God. It helps individuals understand that death is part of the Divine pattern of the universe.

Before the Kaddish prayer is recited in the synagogue, the rabbi will often read the names of those for whom people are saying Kaddish–individuals who recently died and those whose anniversary of death occurred on the same day or the same week in prior years. In most Reform congregations, all people rise together and recite the Kaddish. In Orthodox and most Conservative synagogues, only those who are in mourning or who are "saying Kaddish" rise for the entire prayer, with the congregation joining in selected portions. But whether the congregation is Reform, Conservative or Orthodox, the entire congregation empathizes in a mutual bonding with those who are "saying Kaddish."

On Yom Kippur afternoon (and also on three other holidays during the Jewish calendar year), there is a special synagogue service called "Yizkor," meaning "memory." It is a time of special remembrance for parents or other loved ones who are no longer living, and the prayers provide solace and also help fulfill the Biblical mitzvot of remembrance.

The "Bar Mitzvah" and "Bat Mitzvah" ceremonies are yet another example of the integration of the family in Jewish religious celebrations. Generally, a child becomes Bar Mitzvah (male) or Bat Mitzvah (female) at age 13, after completing a course of study, which usually extends over a number of years. Family and friends gather in the synagogue for a religious service celebrating this joyous occasion. Many congregations have classes for adults who may never have experienced a Bar or Bat Mitzvah ceremony. After a period of study, they too can become Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

These are just a few of the many examples of the centrality of the family in Judaism and the human values that Judaism enhances. To be sure, Judaism does not claim exclusivity in its emphasis on the family and the home. But the warmth that comes from the Jewish emphasis on family and the celebration of Judaism in the home can enrich the lives of everyone.

As a matter of fact, many Jewish parents have recognized that in seeking to do everything they can for their offspring–good schools, travel, camping, music lessons, sports instruction, and the like–there are many long-term benefits that can come from a Jewish environment in general and the celebration of Judaism in the home in particular. Building Judaism into home life can have a great positive impact on the growth and development of children, helping create a climate of mutual love, respect, happiness, and family bonding, with profound positive benefits for all.

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