Big Tent Judaism

The Policy on Attending an Interfaith Wedding

If a Conservative rabbi is invited to an interfaith wedding – as a guest, not as an officiant – should he or she be able to attend? According to the Rabbinical Assembly, the Conservative movement’s rabbinical organization, the answer is no. Even attending such an event, or the reception, might give implicit approval to the relationship. This particular scenario is becoming more commonplace, and it recently occurred in a very public way when Arnold Eisen, Chancellor of the Jewish Theological Seminary, went to the wedding reception of Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky. Even though he’s not a rabbi, he is the public face of Conservative Judaism, and many in the movement disagreed with his decision to attend.

Some Conservative rabbis, like Rabbi Jason Miller (who sits on JOI’s Board of Professional Advisors), believe this policy of banning attendance should be rescinded.

Writing in the Forward, he explains that the “policy forces rabbis to choose between violating a rule and slighting loved ones. The policy, enforced or not, adds pain to an already difficult situation for families. It sends a message that Judaism puts tribalism before dignity and respect.”

We applaud Rabbi Miller for taking such a bold stance on an issue that is becoming increasingly relevant for everyone in the Jewish community. If the goal is to encourage interfaith families to make Jewish choices, does it make sense for a rabbi, a family member or a friend to send such a clear message of condemnation by refusing to attend the wedding? This is “counterproductive,” he writes.

Rabbi Miller recounts two instances of being invited to an interfaith wedding. In the first, he didn’t attend, and it led to “animosity from other relatives and a fractured relationship among cousins.” When given a second chance, he made the opposite decision. Not as an acceptance in intermarriage, but instead “to show support for my long-time friend and to ensure the couple knew that the Jewish community wasn’t turning its back on them.”

This is the direction we need to be going. Intermarriage will always be a reality for the Jewish community. How we respond will help determine whether or not the couple raises Jewish children or leads a Jewish life. The wedding presents a significant opportunity to show that our Big Tent is open and we are ready and willing to welcome this couple into our midst.

Comments

No comments yet.

Leave a comment