Big Tent Judaism

Jewish Advice Column

While JOI doesn’t have a dedicated advice columnist, we do administer a variety of listserves where people can seek answers to some of the tougher questions about intermarriage or life after choosing to be Jewish. They provide a safe place for people across the country to share their thoughts and experiences, and we are always interested in what those who are paid to answer these types of questions have to say.

In a recent column for the Jewish Reporter of Las Vegas, advice columnist Ayelet Blit was asked a question by a Jewish man marrying outside of his faith that many in his situation must deal with before they get married: How can he win the acceptance of his parents, who don’t approve of the relationship?

This is an increasingly common dilemma for Jews in America, and around the word, today. We live in a multicultural society, which only raises the chances of falling in love with someone of a different background or faith. Ayelet recognizes how difficult this situation can be for the families involved, and says there is no single answer to the question. But in her response she brings up one of the most common fears for Jewish parents:

Why are they so opposed to your marriage to a non-Jewish girlfriend? In many instances, parents see it as their failure to instill a strong Jewish identity that leads their children to marry outside the faith, and it is usually accompanied by a strong sense of sadness that their grandchildren will not be considered Jewish in the traditional sense and might not be raised Jewish.

In other words, Jewish parents often feel that if their children marry outside of the religion, the religion won’t last very long. This doesn’t have to be the case. Even though Jewish intermarriage rates have risen, and certainly some Jews have left the fold, we also have hundreds of thousands of non-Jewish family members who are equally dedicated to preserving the Jewish identity.

These are the families we need to work with. Interfaith marriage is not the end. We see it as an opportunity to reach out, make the Jewish community more accessible, and encourage participation in Jewish life. Of course we can’t say if this will appease the man’s family, but, as Ayelet states, “it could make the journey into your parents’ hearts easier.”

Comments

No comments yet.

Leave a comment